Me and First Niagara

Upon opening a new account with them.
Bank Guy:
Do you have direct deposit?
Me:
No, our mayor doesn't believe in computers so no town employees can have direct deposit.
BG:
Oh. That's interesting. Well, will you maintain a $300 balance or make at least 10 debit card purchases every month?
Me:
Probably, but what if I don't?
BG:
Well, there will be a $7.50 Maintenance Fee charged to your account.
Me:
What maintenance does it provide?
BG:
Umm...well, we keep an eye on your account and it covers sending out statements...
Me:
So if I DO satisfy the conditions, I don't get statements?
BG:
No, you do...
Me:
Then how is that different?
BG:
Ummm...if you maintain that balance, the fee is waived.
Me:
Right, but if I don't I just want to know what kind of maintenance is done to my account that costs me $7.50.
BG:
Ok, it's not really a Maintenance Fee. I guess it's more like a Service Charge.
Me:
Ok, so what services do you provide on the account?
BG:
You get a debit card and online banking and...
Me:
And I don't get them unless I fail to satisfy the requirements of the account?
BG:
:/
BG:
No, you do.
Me:
Then what's the difference? What extra do I get for the money you take from me?
BG:
You don't get anything extra. It's just a charge that we do...
Me:
So you're just taking money from me for not having enough money? Like a poor tax.
BG:
Look, all the banks are doing it...
Me:
And that makes it right?
BG:
Well, no, I...uhhh...
Me:
Okay, I'll take this one because it screws me less than the other ones...
BG:
:/
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